The Gods And More Gods Read PJO
by Orion Is Awesome
Summary: The gods and Percy, Annabeth, Thalia and Nico read PJO. There's a twist though. This story is a Pertemis. Read and you'll find out why! Minor swearing. Danger...and humor!
1. Introductions

Chp. 1

It was another regular day in Olympus, or, as regular as it could be for there were 14 super powerful gods yelling at each other. Today was the Winter Solstice so Hades was there as well. Hera was yelling at Zeus for cheating on her again. Artemis was yelling at Apollo for hitting on her hunters again. Demeter was telling Ares and Hades to eat more cereal and Dionysius was being slapped in the face by Aphrodite after calling her ugly. Hephaestus just sat in his throne tinkering and Poseidon was being stared down by Athena. They were onto a meaningless argument about who was more powerful, Athena and Poseidon.

Suddenly, a bright flash filled the room and 4 teenagers were standing in Olympus, two were boys, two were girls. One had a package in his hands. He had jet black hair that reached just above his eyes. It was as messy as could be. His body was fit and lean and he had a face that most teenage girls would swoon over for hours. But the most shocking thing was that he had gold eyes.

Artemis felt a sudden attraction to him though she didn't know why. As the gods gotten over their shock, Zeus bellowed, "Who are you and how dare you come to Olympus." Thunder shook the throne room. The guy just stood there waiting for Zeus to finish his tantrum.

He finally took a step forward, "By the will of the fates, my friends and I have travelled back in time to read books with you guys. As childish as it seems, it is necessary for you to know the bad things that will happen in the future."

The gods all nodded. They didn't like to be ordered around but a command by the fates has to be followed. "Then tell us your names demigods." Zeus rumbled in a meek voice.

"Ya, the thing is, we're not really demigods. I'm an Olympian and these guys are minor gods, no offense guys." The guy said hesitantly. His friends all nodded.

Zeus looked surprised, "Then please, tell us your names."

The guy looked at the others before stating, "I am Lord Perseus, son of Poseidon, god of time, heroes, swordsmanship, loyalty, battle and tides." Poseidon gasped, he couldn't believe it, Percy was 3 right now.

"Poseidon! You broke the oath! I will banish him to Tartarus." Zeus yelled.

"If he hadn't broke the oath the future would be destruction and Kronos would rul-" the other guy from the group yelled. Perseus put his hand around his mouth growled something under his breath. The other guy shut up right away.

"Please my lord; I am actually your favorite nephew in the future. I'm sure the you in the future wouldn't appreciate it if you vaporized me." Zeus face softened, "Very well Perseus, I approve of you. Now let us finish with introductions and get on to the book." Perseus nodded and gestured toward the others.

The other guy from the group stepped up, "I am Lord Nico, god of shadows, son of Hades." Zeus was about to yell again but thought for the better because Hades was glaring at him.

A blond came up, "I am Lady Annabeth, goddess of architecture." Athena beamed at her daughter. Annabth smiled right back.

The last girl came forward; she had spiky hair and was dressed in gothic clothes, "I am Thalia, lieutenant of Artemis, goddess of thunder."

Zeus gasped, "But you're a tree."

Thalia rolled her eyes, "Well I turned back because of fat Percy over there." Percy yelped a protest. But Zeus cut him off, "Thank you for saving my daughter Percy, I like you already." Percy blushed.

Poseidon grinned, "This is great son, now I can finally find you a wife."

"Yeah, about that, I'm already married."

"To who?" Poseidon asked shocked.

"Um, you're not gonna believe this; we are actually really happy in the future together. My wife is Artemis."

You could hear a pin drop in the room. Everything was silent. Artemis was first to respond, but not nicely, "WHAT? You are a man, I am a maiden goddess and I will not be married to scum like you!"

Percy chuckled quietly, "That was the exact same thing you said when Lord Zeus proposed marriage between us. He wanted to make a connection of the moon and the tides so Olympus could get stronger. He told us I had to join the Hunt. We gradually warmed up to each other. Your future self is quite happy though."

Artemis pondered over that for a bit, "What is your fatal flaw?" Artemis knew that if his fatal flaw was loyalty, he would be a good match for her. She became a maiden to look for the perfect man to marry, not for becoming a maiden. "_I think I just found him"_, she thought.

"Loyalty, why?" Percy replied, he seemed like he knew the answer though.

"_Could I have told him in the future that I became a maiden to look for the perfect man?"_ She thought.

_"Your right, you did tell me that you became a maiden to look for the perfect man. I was deeply touched." Percy answered in her mind._

Artemis immediately got off her throne and summoned a huge, circular sofa. She shrank down to normal size and the other gods did too. They teleported to the couch and sat down. But instead of sitting next to the couch she grabbed Percy's hand and sat on his lap. Everyone was surprised, even Percy.

"You're already good with the fact that I'm your husband?" he asked.

"I accepted it because of what you said. I also feel this new feeling in my heart I also haven't felt since Orion. So I guess I do love you. Make one mistake though, and we are over." She reached up and gave him a kiss on the jaw. Percy gulped but grinned right afterwards.

"All right, are we going to read or not, I want to know what happens in the future. And Percy, I approve of your relationship with my sis, hurt her though, and you're dead." Apollo said. Percy nodded.

Apollo grinned and said, "All right, let's do this!"


	2. Chapter 1

Chp. 2

**I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher**

"Look Artemis, before we start, I just wanted to say that I liked Annabeth at first and you didn't want anything to do with me in these books. So don't be surprised if I start calling Annabeth pretty and stuff in the book." Percy said nervously. Aphrodite squealed at the mention of love. Percy winced.

Artemis nodded, even though she wasn't happy with the fact that her Percy was crushing on someone else.

"Who wants to go first?" Percy asked, obviously relieved.

"I will," Artemis said quietly, still on Percy's lap.

** Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood. **

"No one does," Nico retorted.

**If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is:**

"NO," Nico yelled, "Percy's giving advice!"

He jumped behind the sofa and cowered there. All the gods looked at him weirdly before Artemis started reading again. Hades was just embarrassed at his son being a wimp.

**Close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.**

**Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.**

"No shit Percy," Thalia said, while Ares was laughing like a childhigh on Redbull or Monster.

**If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened. **

"Don't we all," the ex-demigods all muttered. Artemis patted Percy's cheek reassuringly. Percy blushed like a tomato and Nico sniggered behind the couch.

**But if you recognize yourself in any of these pages-if you feel something stirring inside-stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, It's only a matter of time before **_**they **_**sense**_** it too, and they'll come after you.**_

"Hmm, it reminds me of Terminator 2 for some reason." Nico mused behind the couch. Percy and Apollo nodded, both "thinking hard" as well.

"Oh, and by the way Percy, you didn't warn me." Nico said before jumping up and taking his place on the sofa.

"Oh come on Nico, you were being attacked by monsters, how was I supposed to save you!" Percy retorted.

"Cause you're the one with the sword!" Nico yelled.

"Both of you shut up!" Artemis screamed and slapped Percy upside his head. Meanwhile Poseidon was paling at the thought of his son being attacked by monsters.

**My name is Percy Jackson.**

"Nooo, you're Justin Bieber," Annabeth said sarcastically.

"Actually, you'll be surprised at how many girls think I'm hotter than JB." Percy replied. Annabth face palmed and groaned.

"Excuse me?" Artemis asked, jealous and glaring at Percy.

Percy gulped and whimpered, "Nothing."

"That's what I thought," Artemis snapped, she wasn't mad at Percy, she was at the girls. How dare they look at HER husband.

**I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.**

** Am I a troubled kid?**

"NO!" Percy yelled while all his friends yelled yes.

"Thanks guys, feeling the love here." he mumbled. Artemis kissed him on the lips and glared at his 3 friends. Percy smirked at them, and they smirked back. Percy was confused, why would they smirk back. Suddenly, a pair of hands grabbed him and kissed his neck. Artemis immediately went into battle mode. She kicked the person away through her rage and put her hunting knife at her throat.

It was Aphrodite. "How dare you steal my husband?" she hissed.

Aphrodite whimpered, "What, he's just so hot!"

Artemis was about yell something but Percy cut her off coldly. "I love Artemis Aphrodite; go find someone else to rape. I am not your sex toy" Artemis beamed at him and jumped back in his lap. Aphrodite pouted and flashed back to her throne. Artemis began reading again.

**Yeah. You could say that.**

Nico was about to yell that even Percy agrees with himself when he saw Artemis glaring at him, daring him to say a word. She was really protective over Percy.

**I could start at any point in my short miserable life to prove it, but things really started going bad last May, when our sixth-grade class took a field trip to Manhatten-28 mental-case kids and two teachers on a yellow school bus, heading to the Metropolitan Museum of Arts to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.**

"That sounds interesting," Annabeth said. Athena beamed at her daughter.

**I know-it sounds like torture. Most Yancy field trips were.**

Both goddesses glared at Percy. He gulped and hid his face in Artemis' hair. Anyone could tell she was pleased by that as she started to blush.

**But Mr. Brunner, our Latin teacher was leading this trip, so I had hopes.**

** Mr. Brunner was this middle-aged guy in a motorized wheelchair. He had thinning hair and a scruffy beard and a frayed tweed jacket, which always smelled like coffee. You wouldn't think he'd be cool, but he told stories and jokes and let us play games in class. He had this awesome collection of Roman armor and weapons, so he was the only teacher who didn't put me to sleep.**

Both goddesses glared again while Percy started whistling innocently.

**I hoped the trip would be okay. At least, I hoped that at once I wouldn't get in trouble.**

Nico mumbled something under his breath causing Percy to glare at him. Ares just laughed and said, "You're a wimp. High hopes that you wouldn't get in trouble? Yeah right, and Zeus was a sissy!"

Zeus growled. Percy stood up."Lord Zeus, may I beat the shit out of Ares?" Zeus nodded.

Ares smirked, "As if you could beat me." Percy pulled out something from his pocket; a pen. Ares started laughing, "What pretty boy, you gonna write on me. Are you going to draw a little heart on your hand and wipe your hand on my arm?"

"Enough!" Zeus yelled, "Percy, you can beat his ass later with your pen and Ares, just shut the hell up!" Zeus winked, as if he knew exactly what the pen was. Percy put it back in his pocket.

**See, bad things happen to me on field trips. Like at my fifth-grade school, when we went to Saratoga battlefield, I had this accident with a Revolutionary War cannon. I wasn't aiming for the school bus, but of course I got expelled anyway. And before that, at my fourth-grade school, when we took a behind-the-scenes tour of Marine World shark pool, I sort of accidentally hit the wrong lever on the catwalk and our class took an unpleasant swim. And before that…Well, you get the idea.**

"And then the next time, I made my teacher crap himself while I was talking to the shark. I tried to eat a worm in kindergarten. I 'accidentally' collapsed the teacher's lounge while skateboarding. I burned down the bathroom and I gave every kid in my class wedgies and a noogie.

There was a moment of silence. Then all hell broke loose. Apollo and Hermes were on the ground laughing, Demeter was telling Percy how if he ate cereal he would be smarter and not hit the wrong lever. Zeus was trying to control his laughter but failing.

**This trip, I was determined to be good.**

**All the way through the city, I put up with Nancy Bobofit, the freckly, redheaded kleptomaniac girl, hitting my best friend Grover in the back of the head with chunks of peanut butter-and –ketchup sandwiches.**

"Ewwww," Aphrodite screamed, "What a fashion disaster. I must've cursed her!"

**Grover was an easy target. He was scrawny. He cried when he got frustrated. he must've been held back several grades, because he was the only sixth grader with an acne and the start of a wispy beard on his chin. On top of all that, he was crippled. He had a note excusing him from PE for the rest of his life because he had some kind of muscular disease in his legs. He walked funny, like every step hurt him, but don't that fool you. You should see him run when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria. **

Annabeth smiled a bit, "Same old Grover."

**Anyway, Nany Bobofit was throwing wads of sandwhich that stuck in his curly brown hair, and she knew I couldn't do anything to her because I was on probation.**

Artemis growled a little at the book.

**The headmaster had threatened me with death by in-school suspension if anything bad, embarrassing, or even mildly entertaining happened on this trip.**

"WHAT?" Poseidon roared. He was furious with the headmaster. He quickly brought out his trident and asked, "Percy, can you go forward in time and bring your headmaster here?"

Percy disappeared and reappeared a second later. He had a struggling man in his 50s. Poseidon shot a beam of energy at him. The headmaster was vaporized. All that was left was a pile of ash. Hades groaned while Poseidon sat down.

"One more soul for my kingdom," Hades sighed dramatically, "oh why is it me?"

"**I'm going to kill her," I mumbled.**

**Grover tried to calm me down. "It's okay. I like peanut butter."**

**He dodged another piece of Nancy's lunch. **

"**That's it." I started to get up, but Grover pulled me back to my seat.**

"**You're already on probation," he reminded m. "You know who'll get blamed if anything happens."**

**Looking back at it, I wished I decked Nancy Bobofit right then and there. In-school suspension would've been nothing compared to the mess I was about to get myself into.**

"DO IT!" Poseidon yelled.

Percy grinned and flashed away. He returned with a 12 year old Nancy and she looked confused. Percy summoned a baseball bat and cracked her head with it. She fell down, unconscious. "That felt much better."

Percy disappeared again and returned alone. He sat on the sofa and allowed Artemis to snuggle up to him.

**Br. Brunner led the museum tour. **

**He rode up front in his wheelchair, guiding us through the big echoey galleries, past marble statues and glass cases full of black-and-orange pottery. **

**It blew my mind that this stuff had survived for 2000, 3000 years.**

"Damn right we survived!" Zeus roared.

**He gathered us around a thirteen-feet-tall stone column with a big sphinx on top, and started telling us how it was a grave marker, a **_**stele**_**, for a girl about our age. He told us about the carvings on the sides. I was trying to listen to what he had to say, because it was kind of interesting, but everyone around me was talking, and every time I told them to shut up, the other chaperone, Mrs. Dodds, would give me the evil eye.**

"At least you are trying to listen Perseus," Athena approved. Percy was shocked. Athena rarely complemented him in the future and never gave him a complement of this extent. Artemis grinned as she read her husband's thoughts and kissed him below the jaw. Percy kissed her back with all the love he could muster, which was a lot. They started making out until Apollo shouted, "Get a room sis!"

Artemis glared at him before notching a super sharp arrow and shooting it at Apollo. the arrow struck where the sun doesn't shine, which was saying a lot because Apollo was the god of the sun. His scream of pain could be hurt throughout the whole of Olympus.

**Mrs. Dodds was this little math teacher from Georgia who always wore a black leather jacket, even though she was fifty years old. She looked like she was mean enough to ride a Harley right into your locker. She had come to Yancy halfway through the year, when our math teacher had a nervous breakdown.**

Hades paled. _That sounds like Alecto, Poseidon will kill me if he finds out. But why would I send a fury after Percy._

**From her first day, Mrs. Dodds loved Nancy Bobofit and figured I was devil spawn. **

"No, that would be Nico," Thalia said. Nico yelped but the gods just ignored him as they laughed.

**She would point her crooked finger at me and say, "Now honey," real sweet, and I knew I was going to get after-school detention for a month.**

Artemis glared at the book. Hades managed turn even paler. _Now not only Poseidon will kill me, Artemis will too. If that isn't Alecto, I'm a satyr with a furry ass and an over grown head._

**One time, after she'd made me erase answers out of old math workbooks until midnight, I told Grover I didn't think Mrs. Dodds was human. He looked at me real serious, and said, "You're absolutely right."**

Artemis gripped Percy's hand a little harder. Percy just whispered soothing words in her ear and sent shivers up her spine. All the while, Annabeth said, "Way to blow your cover Goat Boy."

**Mr. Brunner kept talking about Greek funeral art.**

**Finally, Nancy Bobofit something about the naked guy on the stele, and I turned around and said, "Will you **_**shut up?**_**"**

**It came out louder than I meant it to. The whole group laughed. Mr. Brunner stopped his story.**

"**Mr. Jackson," he said, "do you have a comment?"**

**My face was totally red. I said, "No sir."**

**Mr. Brunner pointed to one of the pictures on the stele. "Perhaps you'll tell us what this picture represents?"**

**I looked at the carving, and felt a flush of relief, because I recognized I. "That's Kronos eating his kids, right?"**

"Ugh, I hated that place. Poseidon kept barfing and telling Kronos is pregnant jokes." Demeter complained.

Poseidon turned into a cherry and looked down in embarrassment.

"**Yes," Mr. Brunner said, obviously not satisfied. "And he did this because…"**

"**Well…" I racked my brain to remember. "Kronos was king god, and-"**

"GOD?" Annabeth shouted, "With your experiences against him, you should know better!"

Percy nodded quickly. He saw that Annabeth's hand was inching towards her dagger.

"**God?" Mr. Brunner asked.**

"HA!" Annabeth shouted, "Even Chiron agrees with me!" Percy groaned, there was no stopping her when she was on a roll.

"**Titan," I corrected myself. "And…he didn't trust his kids, who were the gods. So, um, Kronos ate them, right? But his wife hid baby Zeus, and gave Kronos a rock to eat instead. And later, when Zeus grew up, he tricked his dad, Kronos, into barfing up his brothers and sisters-"**

"**Eeew!" said one of the girls behind me.**

"**-and so there was this big fight between the gods and the Titans, "I continued, "and the gods won."**

"Damn right we won!" Apollo yelled. Zeus pounded his master bolt on his throne in agreement.

**Some snickers from the group.**

"Why, you got it right?" Demeter asked.

"Don't know, mortals are stupid." Percy replied.

**Behind me, Nancy Boboit mumbled to a friend, "Like we're going to use this in real life. Like it's going to say on our job applications, 'Please explain why Kronos ate his kids'."**

"**And why, Mr. Jackson," Mr. Brunner said, "to paraphrase Miss Bobofit's excellent question, does this matter in real life."**

"**Busted," Grover muttered.**

"**Shut up," Nancy hissed, her face even brighter than her hair.**

Aphrodite suddenly perked up, "I got it! Nancy was being mean to you because she has a crush on you Percy!"

The throne was silent for the first time today. "Ewwwwwwww!" Percy yelled, "Bobofit has a crush on me? I should've beaten her up more!"

Artemis was seething. How dare that mortal crush on her husband. She was the goddess of maidens and all, but this Bobofit was just too bitchy! She silenced everyone by reading again.

**At least Nancy got packed, too. Mr. Brunner was the only one who had ever caught her saying anything wrong. He had radar years.**

**I thought about his question, and shrugged. "I don't know, sir."**

"**I see," Mr. Brunner looked disappointed. "Well half credit Mr. Jackson. Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine, which of course made him disgorge his other 5 children, who of course, being immortal had already grown up completely undigested in the Titan's stomach.**

"How did you come up with that sick idea, Lord Zeus?" Percy asked, grossed out.

Zeus shrugged, "Don't know, just seemed natural at that time."

"It was disgusting," Demeter piped in, "It smelled like a furry goat's ass mixed with Poseidon's pee."

Everyone was dumbfounded, that would be terrible!

"And Poseidon went through puberty too!" Demeter started again. Poseidon yelled, "ENOUGH ABOUT ME!"

Artemis quickly started reading again.

**The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe, and scattered his remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the underworld. On that happy note, it's time for lunch. Mrs. Dodds, would you like to lead us outside."**

"You know," it would be cool to have a time-controlling scythe. Everyone nodded. No one caught the slight smirk on Percy's face as Artemis continued reading. **(Cookies to whoever can guess what Percy's weapon is!"**

**The class drifted off, girls holding their stomachs, the guys pushing each other around and acting like doofuses.**

**Grover and I were about to follow them when Mr. Brunner said, "Mr. Jackson."**

**I knew that was coming.**

**I told Grover to keep going. Then I turned toward Mr. Brunner. "Sir?"**

**Mr. Brunner had this look that wouldn't let you go-intense brown eyes that could've been a thousand of years old and had seen everything.**

"Longer," most of the gods said.

"**You must learn the answer to my question," Mr. Brunner said.**

"**About the Titans?"**

"No you idiot!" Artemis said.

"**About real life. And how your studies apply to it."**

"**Oh."**

"See Fish Brains?"

"Yes, Moon Light. I will try to pay more attention."

Artemis just smirked.

**"What you learn from me," he said, "is vitally important. I expect you to treat it as such. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson."**

** I wanted to get angry; this guy pushed me too hard.**

** I mean, sure, it was kind of cool on tournament days, when he dressed up in a suit of Roman armor and shouted "What ho!" and challenged us, sword point against chalk, to run to the board and name every Greek and Roman person who had ever lived, and their mother, and what god they worshipped. But Mr. Brunner expected me to be as good as everybody else, despite the fact that I have dyslexia and attention deficit order and I had never made above a C- in my life.**

"Except all the monster killing classes at Camp Half-Blood! I got all A's." Percy cried out.

**NO-he didn't expect me to be as good; he expected me to be better. And I just couldn't learn all those names and acts, much less spell them correctly.**

** I mumbled something about trying harder, while Mr. Brunner took one long sad look at the stele, like he'd been at the girl's funeral.**

**He told me to go outside and eat my lunch.**

**The class gathered on the front steps of the museum, where we could watch the foot traffic along Fifth Avenue.**

**Overhead, a huge storm was brewing, with clouds blacker than I'd ever seen over the city.**

Zeus frowned. _Why was he so angry?_

**I figured maybe it was global warming or something, because the weather all across New York State had been weird since Christmas. We'd had massive snow storms, flooding, and wildfires from lightning strikes. I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a hurricane blowing in.**

"IT"S 2012!" Nico cried. He jumped back behind the couch.

The gods were thinking too, but instead of 2012, they were thinking why Zeus was so mad.

**Nobody else seemed to notice. Some of the guys were pelting pigeons with Lunchables crackers. Nancy Bobofit was trying to pickpocket something from a lady's purse, and of course, Mrs. Dodds wasn't seeing a thing.**

**Grover and I sat on the edge of a fountain, away from the others. We thought that maybe if we did that, everybody wouldn't know we were from **_**that**_** school-the school for loser freaks that could' make it elsewhere.**

"Don't feel bad Percy," Poseidon said gently, "you are more special than everybody else there."

Percy grinned, "Thanks dad."

"**Detention?" Grover asked.**

"**Nah," I said. "Not from Brunner. I just wish he'd lay off me sometimes. I mean-I'm not a genius."**

"No surprise there!" Artemis laughed softly before settling herself back comfortably on Percy's lap. Percy just pouted.

**Grover didn't say anything for a while. Then, when I thought he was going to give me some deep philosophical comment to make me feel better, he said, "Can I have your apple."**

The gods all chuckled silently. **(And yes, it includes, Percy and co.)**

**I didn't have much of an appetite, so I let him take it. **

**I watched the stream of cabs going down Fifth Avenue, and thought about my mom's apartment, only a little ways downtown from where we sat. I hadn't seen her since Christmas. I wanted so bad to jump in a taxi and head home. She'd hug me and be glad to see me, but she'd be disappointed, too. She'd send me right back to Yancy, remind me that I had to try harder, even if this was my sixth school in six years and I was probably going to be kicked out again. I wouldn't be able to stand the sad look she'd give me.**

"Boy cares for his mother," Hera nodded approvingly, "as it should be."

Ares just snorted and rolled his eyes. He earned a slap upside the head and a shock to the balls.

"OWWW! Daddy, Mommy! Why did you hurt me? I got a boo boo!" Ares cried.

_WIMP ALERT! _Percy thought.

**Mr. Brunner parked his wheelchair at the base of the handicapped ramp. He ate celery while he read a paperback novel. A red umbrella stuck up from the back of his chair, making it look like a motorized café table.**

**I was about to unwrap my sandwich when Nancy Bobofit appeared in front of me with her ugly friends-I guess she gotten tired of stealing from the tourists-and dumped her half-eaten lunch in Grover's lap.**

"**Oops," she grinned at me with her crooked teeth. Her freckles were orange, as if somebody had spray painted her face with liquid Cheetos.**

**I tried to stay cool. The school counselor had told me a million times, "Count to ten, get control of your temper." But I was so mad my mind went blank. A wave roared in my ears.**

"KICK HER ASS PERCY!" Nico yelled, finally getting the guts to climb out again.

The gods nodded their agreement. "That girl is a freak!" Hera said.

**I don't remember touching her, but the next thing I knew, Nancy was sitting on her butt in the fountain, screaming, "Percy pushed me!"**

**Mrs. Dodds materialized next to us.**

**Some of the kids were whispering: "Did you see-"**

"**-the water-"**

"**-like it grabbed her-"**

**I didn't know what they were talking about. All I knew was that I was in trouble again.**

**As soon as Mrs. Dodds was sure poor little Nancy was okay, promising to buy her a new shirt at the museum gift shop etc., Mrs. Dodds turned on me. There was triumphant fire in her eyes, as if I'd done something she'd been waiting for all semester. "Now, honey-"**

"**I know," I grumbled. "A month erasing workbooks."**

**That wasn't the right thing to say.**

"Does anyone have the feeling that Mrs. Dodds might be a monster?" Hades asked nervously. Poseidon paled considerably.

"**Come with me," Mrs. Dodds said.**

"**Wait!" Grover yelped. "It was me. **_**I**_** pushed her."**

**I stared at him, stunned. I couldn't believe he was trying to cover for me. Mrs. Dodds scared Grover to death.**

**She glared at him so hard his whiskery chin trembled.**

"**I don't think so Mr. Underwood." she said.**

"**But-"**

"**You-**_**will**_**-stay-here."**

**Nancy Bobfit smirked.**

**Grover looked at me desperately.**

"**It's okay, man," I told him. "Thanks for trying.**

"**Honey," Mrs. Dodds barked at me. **_**"Now!"**_

**I gave her my deluxe I'll-kill-you-later stare.**

"Ha ha," Are laughed, "stare."

"Yeah Ares, do you want to see it," Percy asked quietly.

"Ares is dead," Nico whispered.

"Lay it on me punk," Ares smirked.

"First of all, that's what she said, and fine," Percy replied stonily.

Percy glared at Ares. His eyes glowed like the sun. Colors swirled around in it. His eyes seemed to gaze into Ares' immortal soul. Ares flinched and looked away. Percy smirked triumphantly.

**Then I turned to face Mrs. Dodds, but she wasn't there. She was standing at the museum entrance, way at the top of the stairs, gesturing impatiently at me to come on.**

**How'd she get there so fast?**

"It's definitely a monster," Hades whispered. Poseidon turned a s pale as Hades.

**I have moments like that a lot, when my brain falls asleep or something, and the next thing I know, I've missed something, as if a puzzle piece fell out of the universe and left me staring at the blank space behind it. The school counselor told me this was part of ADHD, my brain misinterpreting things.**

"It's not ADHD this time Percy," Nico stated.

"No shit, Captain Obvious," Percy replied, annoyed.

**I wasn't so sure.**

**I went after Mrs. Dodds.**

**Halfway up the steps, I glanced back at Grover. He was looking pale, cutting his eyes between me and Mr. Brunner, like he wanted Mr. Brunner to notice was going on, but Mr. Brunner was absorbed in his novel.**

**I looked back up. Mrs. Dodds had disappeared again. She was now inside the building, at the end of the entrance hall.**

**Okay, I thought. She's going to make me buy a new shirt for Nancy at the gift shop.**

**But apparently, that wasn't the plan.**

**I followed her deeper into the museum. When I finally caught up to her, we were back in the Greek and Roman section.**

**Except for us, the gallery was empty.**

**Mrs. Dodds stood with her arms crossed in front of a big marble frieze of the Greek gods.**

"We rock!" Percy and Apollo said at the same time.

"Jinx!" they said again.

"Double jinx."

"Triple jinx."

"Ha!" Apollo yelled, "I got you."

Percy just flipped him off and said, "Go die in a hole."

Apollo snapped his finger, a hole appeared. He pretended to lie motionless in the pit. Percy face palmed. Artemis quickly read again.

**She was making this weird noise in her throat, like growling.**

**Even without the noise, I would've been nervous. It's weird being alone with a teacher, especially Mrs. Dodds. Something about the way she looks at the frieze, as if she wanted to pulverize it…**

"**You've been giving us problems honey," she said.**

**I did the safe thing. I said, "Yes, ma'am."**

"Safe?" Thalia wagged her eyebrows, "Since when was the great Lord Perseus into safe stuff."

Percy growled.

**She tugged on the cuffs of her leather jacket. "Did you really think you would get away with it?"**

**The look in her eyes was beyond mad. It was evil.**

**She's a teacher, I thought nervously. It's not like she's going to hurt me.**

"WRONG!" Nico yelled.

**I said, "I'll-I'll try harder ma'am."**

**Thunder shook the building.**

"**We are not fools Percy Jackson," Mrs. Dodds said. "It was only a matter of time before we found you out. Confess, and you will suffer less pain."**

**I didn't know what she was talking about.**

**All I could think of was that the teachers must've found out the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorm room. Or maybe I got my essay on Tom Sawyer from the Internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.**

"Tom sawyer is a great book, it has many fictional and nonfictional characters that-" Athena started.

"We get it!" Percy yelled.

"**Well," she demanded.**

"**Ma'am, I don't."**

"**Your time is up," she hissed.**

**Then the weirdest thing happened. Her eyes began to glow like barbecue coals. Her fingers stretched, turning into talons. Her jacket melted into black, leathery wings. She wasn't human.**

"DUH!" Everyone yelled.

**She was a shriveled hag with bat wings and claws and a mouth full of yellow fangs, and she was about to slice me into ribbons.**

"You sent a fury after my son?" Poseidon shouted at Hades. Hades cowered.

"Calm down dad!" Percy screamed. "I'm here now, you don't need to worry!"

Artemis squeezed his hand tighter.

**Then things got even stranger. Mr. Brunner, who'd been out in front of the museum a minute before, wheeled his chair into the doorway of the gallery, holding a pen in his hand.**

"A pen?" Zeus asked.

"**What ho, Percy!" he shouted, and tossed the pen through the air. Mrs. Dodds lunged at me.**

**With a yelp, I dodged and felt talons slash the air next to my ear. I snatched the ballpoint pen out of the air, but when it hit my hand, it wasn't a pen anymore. It was a sword-Mr. Brunner's bronze sword, which he always used on tournament days.**

"Enter; RIPTIDE!" Percy smirked.

**Mrs. Dodds spun toward me with a murderous look in her eyes.**

**My knees were jelly. My hands were shaking so bad I almost dropped the sword.**

"Wimp!" Ares smirked.

"Wait until our little fight," Percy replied, smirking as well.

**She snarled, "Die honey!"**

**And she flew straight at me.**

**Absolute terror ran through my body. I did the only thing that came naturally: I swung the sword.**

**The metal blade hit her shoulder and passed clean through her body as if she were made of water. **_**Hisss!**_

**Mrs. Dodds was a sand castle in a power fan. She exploded into yellow powder, vaporized on the spot, leaving nothing but the smell of sulfur and a dying screech and a chill of evil in the air, as if those two glowing red eyes were still watching me.**

**I was alone.**

**There was a ballpoint pen in my hand.**

**Mr. Brunner wasn't there. Nobody was there but me.**

**My hands were still trembling. My lunch must've been contaminated with magic mushrooms or something.**

**Had I imagined the whole thing?**

"Yes, Percy, you have," Apollo said in a mysterious voice.

**I went back outside.**

**It had started to rain.**

**Grover was sitting by the fountain, a museum map tented over his head. Nancy Bobofit was still standing there, soaked from her swim in the fountain, grumbling to her ugly friends. When she saw me, she said, "I hope Mrs. Kerr whipped your butt."**

"Who?" Poseidon asked.

**I said, "Who?"**

"**Our **_**teacher**_**. Duh!"**

**I blinked. We had no teacher named Mrs. Kerr. I asked Nancy what she was talking about.**

**She just rolled her eyes and walked away.**

**I asked Grover where Mrs. Dodds was.**

**He said, "Who?"**

**But he paused first, and he wouldn't look at me, so I thought he was messing with me.**

"Way to blow your cover Goat Boy," Thalia groaned.

"**Not funny man," I told him, "This is serious."**

**Thunder boomed overhead.**

**I saw Mr. Brunner sitting under his red umbrella, reading his book, as if he'd never moved.**

**I went over to him.**

**He looked up, a little distracted. "Ah, that would be my pen. Please bring your own writing utensil in the future, Mr. Jackson."**

**I handed Mr. Brunner the pen. I hadn't even realized I was still holding it.**

"**Sir," I said, 'where's Mrs. Dodds?"**

**He stared at me blankly. "Who?"**

"**The other chaperone. Mrs. Dodds. The pre-algebra teacher."**

**He frowned and sat forward, looking mildly concerned. "Percy, there is no Mrs. Dodds on this trip. As far as I know, there has never been a Mrs. Dodds at Yancy Academy. Are you feeling all right?"**

"Ha!" Apollo yelled, "He totally played you."

Percy ignored him. "Ares, are you ready for our little fight?"

Ares grinned, "You bet."

Everyone flashed to the arena. Ares flashed himself into armor while Percy just stood there. Ares pulled out a double bladed sword. It was 4 feet long, pitch black and deadly looking.

"Sc ared?" Ares asked, smirking. The Olympians and the gang watched quietly.

Percy smiled evilly, "Remember that scythe comment you made earlier?"

Ares nodded confused. Percy pulled out his pen. Ares smirked, "Oh so now, you're gonna write on me." Ares started laughing.

Percy didn't say anything. He uncapped it, the laughter stopped immediately. Because in his hands, Percy held a deadly golden scythe.

**How'd u guys like that? Boo ha! Okay..if we get to 50 reviews before the 5th chapter, I will upload 2 chapters at the same time from then. So please review. It's only about 15 seconds of your life. just say, "Update". Please review. If we get to 100 before the 12th chapter, I will upload 3 chapters. Or at least try to. If u guys hav suggestions, leave it on reviews. Peace out!**

**Orion**


	3. Filler Chapter:

Chp. 3

** OH MY GODS! You guys are awesome at reviewing. Sorry I'm not good at updating! My computer is screwed and it deleted all my chapters and now I have to rewrite it! I can't keep u guys waiting so I'm just gonna give this filler chapter. And no, the scythe is not Backbiter, read and you'll see.**

Everyone stared in shock at the scythe. Finally, Artemis decided to speak up, "Is that Kronos' scythe."

Percy laughed. "Kronos wishes he can have a scythe of this quality. No, this scythe was created by Chaos himself. He issued a quest for the greatest hero/god to kill Typhon, by himself or herself. I tried my luck and well, it was pretty hard but the reward was worth it."

Percy glared at Ares, "Still calling me weak?"

Ares gulped but put on a brave face, "Bring it punk."

Percy smiled evilly, and beckoned him to charge first. Ares rushed forward like the wind, slashing his sword in a diagonal line. Percy rolled to the side and yelled, "STOP!" Time stopped. The gods could see what was going on, but they couldn't move. Ares was shocked and scared.

Percy grabbed Ares' hand and shoved his index finger up his nose. Ares wanted to cry like the baby he was but the tears wouldn't come, so instead, he tried to crap himself. But the shit couldn't come either. **(Hilarious right?) **

Percy unfroze time and Ares started crying and shitting himself at the same time. The arena was filled with an unpleasant odor, of moldy beans and salsa chips. Aphrodite fainted from the smell.

Zeus stood up, pinching his nose, "Perseus wins!" Everyone cheered. Ares was crying and still shitting himself while he was being carried out by Apollo, using magic to lift him instead of using his hands. He had Aphrodite in his other hand.

Everybody went to have a break. Zeus was being yelled at by Hera, Hermes arguing with Hephaestus on which was better, the internet or the computer itself, etc. Percy went to find Artemis. He flashed to Artemis' bathroom, finding her putting on makeup.

Percy grinned, "My my, never knew the great goddess Artemis puts on makeup."

Artemis groaned.

"So why are you putting on makeup?"

"So it will make me look pretty, I do this every day you know."

"But why, you already are pretty."

Artemis blushed, but anyone could tell she was happy. She gave Percy a kiss. But it turned into a ferocious battle of the mouth. Percy wrapped his arms around Artemis' waist, Artemis moaned sweetly. Artemis quickly took off Percy's shirt and ran her hands over his toned body. They fell on the bed together and rolled over each other. Their tongues still locked in battle. The room temperature heated up and before they knew it, Zeus was calling everyone in to read again.

Time does pass fast when you're making out, of course I know what time it is but that was AWESOME, Percy thought to himself.

They quickly got dressed and flashed back to the throne room. Percy walked up to Nico.

"Wana hear a good way to get a goddess all over you?"

Nico looked at him weirdly beore taking his normal seat behind the couch. Hades facepalmed.

"Who will read next?" Zeus asked.

"I will!" Athena said.

Behind her back, Percy muttered, "Of course _she_ would want to read, she's the goddess of wisdom and book thingies."

Athena glared, "I heard that!"

"So? Who cares?"

"You will die painfully Jackson!"

"Shut up Owl Head!"

"Kelp Head"

"Braniac"

"Coral Boy"

"Wise-"

"ENOUGH!" Zeus thundered.

"Just fuking read the fuking book! You god damn son of a bitch, no good piece of shit!"

Everyone looked at him.

What the hell? Zeus swearing?

**I'm soooo sorry! My computer is a - and it's not working so I have to get it fixed. I was gonna update it tonight! So I just wrote this chappie to keep u guys happy (hopefully) so sorry!**

**-The Idiot Whose Computer is Messed Up (Orion) **


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